Just A Feeling
by FYeahFaberry
Summary: If you have all these Faberry feelings that cannot be be contained and sometimes you have to turn your head for a moment and push them away because they're that strong, you will like this fic. PostONMYWAY
1. Chapter 1

**I got inspired so I decided to write :) Tell me if you like it, and tell me if you don't!**  
><strong>English is not my first language so I'm sorry if I made some grammar mistakes.<strong>  
><strong>Takes place after On My Way, there will be spoilers.<strong>  
><strong>And my username will tell you what my ship is ;)<strong> 

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><p><em>"Dear Diary...<br>__Everybody may think that Rachel Berry would be used to write in a diary but I've never done it before. My dads told me it would help, I just hope they are not asking me to write in it so they can sneak into my room and finally understand how I feel. Would they understand though? I don't even understand myself...  
><em>_How am I even supposed to start?"_

Rachel Berry was chewing on her pen, trying to write all her feelings out but she had no idea how to do it. It has been six weeks and she was still not able to say a word, literally. She had lost her voice, the words just wouldn't come out anymore. Everybody thought that she was just doing one of those things divas do when they feel misunderstood, after all it wouldn't be the first time Rachel Berry was pulling the silence treatment card. She really felt misunderstood but this wasn't a silence treatment. Stars don't shine forever and Rachel Berry was fading into darkness.

_ "I'm not a star anymore Diary. All this positive energy I had is gone. And nobody cares, because the only person who ever cared is not here anymore and I've had to face the fact that I'm invisible now."_

The pen was wandering on the paper, wondering what to write next. This definitely wasn't easy but she had no choice but to try it because life had become unbearable. All the colors were fading into black and white and the small brunette knew that she had to be strong to be able to smile again.  
><em><br>"Why do we always wait to lose the one thing that makes us alive to realize how important it was in the first place?"_

The first tear she had cried in 6 weeks landed on the paper. Rachel took a deep breath and wiped the upcoming tears before she started writing again.

_"Six weeks ago, I was supposed to get married to Finn Hudson. I know that this is a stupid idea and I can see it now, Finn and I aren't even together anymore because he doesn't really care about me like he said he did. He was trying to find a reason to live when he felt like he had nothing else. I don't really have any rights to be mad because I felt the same way when I was at that chapel."_

Writing in a diary actually felt like a relief and Rachel started writing faster, letting everything out. Her heart was aching so bad she felt like all this feelings she had been hiding inside of herself were the cause of why she couldn't breathe as easily anymore. So she was writing as fast as she could, hoping to save herself.

_"I really am ridiculous sometimes... I had everything I wanted: NYADA, amazing friends, very supportive family and life at school wasn't so bad anymore. I was not getting slushied anymore and everything was great. But somehow I felt so empty, like something big was missing or just like things weren't right the way they were. My relationship with Finn wasn't as comforting as it used to be, we were slowly driving apart for a reason that I ignore. When he asked me to marry him I thought that it would only bring me closer to him and that this empty spot was finally going to be filled.  
>I asked Quinn first though. Why Quinn? I don't know, I should hate her but I don't. I don't really listen to any of my friends' advices but her's. I keep asking myself why but I really don't know. But whenever I feel like I'm all alone in this world she is the only one who makes me feel special."<em>

She started chewing on her pen again. She was crying but her breath was coming back and she was slowly calming down. What was she writing exactly? She was used to write on the structure of her essays for school but this was so different. Her thoughts were driving the pen to where it was supposed to be and her feelings were finally making some kind of sense. She had no idea what those feelings were but at least she was opening her eyes and seeing them for the first time.

_ "I don't feel special anymore. I know my dads are really great to me and they're trying their best to make me feel better but it's not the same. Now that she's not there anymore I miss her. I even wish she was walking in McKinley's hallways and insulting me right now, it would make me feel better than if she was just not there anymore."_

There was a knock on the door. Rachel quickly closed the Diary and hid it before she wiped her tears and got up to open the door. Hiram was behind it.

_ "- Darling, dinner is ready."_

Rachel nodded and followed her dad downstairs.  
>Both of them looked terrible, they had been looking like that for quite a while now. Their baby girl was not speaking anymore, she wasn't even singing anymore. Every dinner used to be an excuse for the Berry family to sing together for an hour. Rachel would always be either singing for her dad to pass her the salt or talking to her daddy about what song she wanted to sing in Glee Club. Now dinner was just a big awkward silence.<br>The brunette sat down at the table and waited for her daddy to fill her plate but both of her parents were just sitting next to each other looking directly at her. They couldn't stand the silence anymore so Leroy decided to break it:  
><em><br>"- This can not go on Rachel Barbra Berry."_

Hiram followed:

_"- We tried everything to make you happy baby girl.  
>- Hiram you can't be the nice cop here we decided that we would both be mad.<br>- I'm sorry. But Rachel you need to understand how worried we are."_

Rachel was looking down, she felt the tears falling on her cheeks and she didn't even tried to stop them. They were right, this had to stop. She nodded and looked at her dads. As soon as they saw the tears they got up and walked towards her to form a big family hug. The silence was being replaced by the sounds of Rachel crying and they all knew that this was probably the best thing that had happened to them in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Going to school was the hardest thing the brunette had to do. Rachel Berry felt so lonely in the middle of these crowded hallways where nobody even looked at her. But really, the hardest thing was Glee Club. At the beginning everybody had been worried about her but now she was just a ghost, invisible. It was like she had never been there.

_"- Hello kids! Today we are going to try to find a setlist for Nationals. We can't repeat the mistakes we've made last year, we need to win!"  
><em>  
>Rachel was sitting at the back of the choir room, alone, like always. The Glee kids started to talk to each other to find songs they wanted to sing while the brunette let her mind wander freely, not really paying attention to what was going on. When her name was called she didn't even hear it, why would someone even call her? Everybody knew she was not going to answer. But the person who called her insisted.<p>

_ "- Rachel?"_

She came on Earth and realize that all the kids were now staring at her and that Mister Shuester was the one calling her. She looked at him, he was waiting for an answer, not just a look, words. He called her again, three times.

_"- Mister Shue, the midget finally stopped talking please don't make her open that huge mouth again."_ said Santana.  
><em>"- She clearly doesn't understand that a silence treatment that lasts six weeks turns the diva into seriously crazy."<em>said Kurt.

Rachel didn't know what to do. They had every right to be mad at her, she was mad at herself. Why? She had no idea. But she knew that the reason why Santana and Kurt were so mean was because they were hurt. And the brunette hated herself for hurting them but it was not her fault. Or was it?

_"- Santana, Kurt, stop it."_ Will was still looking at Rachel, like nothing could come in the way of him getting what he wanted.  
><em>"- Why should we stop?" <em>

Santana got up to face Rachel.  
><em><br>"- We get it! Your wedding has been canceled but Quinn is in a fucking coma! You only care about yourself and you say you want friends when you're not even able to feel something about Quinn getting hit by a truck. You're the one who should be in the hospital right now!  
>- SANTANA SIT DOWN!<br>- No Mr. Sue, I'm out of here." _

And after that she left the room, and Kurt and Brittany ran after her.  
>Rachel wanted to run away too but she couldn't let her emotions take over. She was looking at her feet but knew that everybody was now looking at her.<p>

_ "- Glee Club is over for today kids. Come back with ideas for Nationals okay?" _said Will.

Rachel was about to leave when someone called her name behind her. Blaine was still sitting while everybody else was already gone.  
><em><br>"- I need to talk to you. You don't have to say anything but can you at least hear me out?"_

She nodded. She was standing still unable to move, thanking God to be such a good actress because she would have been crying her heart out if she wasn't.

_"- I'm sorry about Kurt and Santana, they're trying to hold on as much as they can. We all are. And I know that you are too, but you can't possibly feel better if you don't let us see what you're going through."_

In the war that opposed Rachel and her tears, the brunette lost another battle. She was mentally yelling at herself for letting these tears invade her face while Blaine ust kept talking.

_"- I want to help you. But I have no idea how you feel. I just want you to know that you can trust me and if you ever need to talk to someone you already have my number. And if you ever call me I promise that it will stay between us okay?"_

She nodded again, not knowing what she was supposed to do next. Blaine got up and walked towards the door. Before he left the room, he turned around to tell Rachel:

_"- Think about it, please."_

And then he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know the chapters are short but this way I will new chapters more often so yeah x)**

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><p><em><em>

_"Dear Diary,  
><em>_I didn't write anything in a couple of days because a lot of things happened. And I am so scared.  
><em>_I overheard a conversation between Kurt and Santana and apparently Quinn is going to wake up soon. Everybody looks so happy but I am terrified..."_

After thinking about giving up the diary idea Rachel was sitting at her desk, chewing on her pen again while searching for the words to describe her feelings. Quinn was going to wake up, and even though she thought everything was going to be better if the blonde survived, Rachel felt like this situation was actually bringing her even more stress.  
><em><br>"I feel guilty. I feel lost. I feel lonely.  
>I want Quinn to wake up and be happy but I know that she is never going to forgive me. She didn't even want to come to the wedding in the first place. I forced her... I didn't even want this wedding to happen. Why did I say yes to Finn in the first place? Why didn't I listen to Quinn? I don't know. But now that I've lost my boyfriend and all my friends I am going to lose Quinn a second time and it really hurts a lot."<em>

She took a break to read what was written. She didn't want to lose Quinn. She felt her mouth curve into a tiny smile. That was called progress, right?

_"I don't want to lose her. Not again. I didn't know it was going to hurt that much the first time, if it happens again I don't know how I will possibly be able to deal with it."_

She looked briefly at her phone, untouched since she got that last text from Quinn. She took it and turned it on. Her fingers automatically went through the inbox to find the message and she broke down when she saw it on her screen.

Quinn: **ON MY WAY**

Before putting the phone down, she took her pen and wrote a couple more words in her diary:

_ "I just wish I could leave Lima already."_

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><p>Santana and Kurt were best friends now, and both of them had wished that they would've become that close under other circumstances. And ever since they learned that Quinn was going to wake up, they would go to the hospital every day after school just in case the blonde finally opened her eyes.<p>

_"- I can't believe Rachel is still trying to get the attention."_ said Kurt to Santana who was sitting next to him in front of the sleeping beauty.  
><em>"- Are you still going to move in with her when you leave Lima?"<em> asked Santana.  
><em>"- God no! I don't even think she will go to NYADA. She doesn't sing anymore how is she gonna audition? I was actually thinking that I could move in with you and Britt. I mean, if you're okay with that.<br>__- Of course I'm okay with that!"_

Kurt smiled and pulled Santana in for a hug.

_"- Thank you so much Kurt.  
><em>_- For what?"_

He ended the hug and looked at the latina who now had teary eyes. They became friends right after the accident, Santana was in pieces and Kurt was slowly picking them up. The only person Santana was still being mean to was Rachel Berry, otherwise she was acting like an angel, trying to get rid of the guilt that was haunting her since Quinn had been hit by a truck. She had been feeling miserable for the past Seven weeks and she was pretty sure that without Kurt... She didn't even want to think about it. Brittany was still there as well, but was also having a hard time dealing with the situation and Santana wanted to be there for her without having to make things worse. For this reason, Kurt was the one Santana would always call when she was breaking down to avoid any kind of argument with her girlfriend.

_"- For being there for me even though I was really mean to you before."_ She smiled._  
>"- Why do you keep bringing that up? You need to stop feeling guilty about everything Santana. I don't care about the past, and you shouldn't either.<br>__- I know. It's hard.  
><em>_- But it gets better at the end. If it's not better then it's not the end. You should know that more than anyone."_

There was a long silence during which Santana took Kurt's hand and smiled. He was right, if she kept thinking about the future she was never going to be able to forgive herself for the mistakes that she had done, and she had to if she wanted to be able to love herself like she was supposed to.

She slowly nodded and saw Kurt's mouth open but a cough coming from the other side of the room stopped him before he could say a word. Before they even realized where that sound was coming from they heard a tiny sleepy voice whisper:

_ "- Please tell me Rachel didn't get married."_


	4. Chapter 4

When Rachel entered the Glee Club the following day, all the kids were standing up, ready to leave. What was going on? She went to the back of the room as sat as her usual spot when she saw Mister Shuester walking in the choir room with a big smile on his face.

_"- Is everybody ready? Kids please sit down I want to tell you a couple things before we get going."  
><em>  
>Where were they going? The brunette had no idea but she couldn't ask. And nobody was paying attention to her anyways. So that was it, nobody cared anymore. She wasn't even aware of what the Glee Club had planned and she never missed it. And she still had facebook but nothing unusual happened on her News Feed the night before...<br>Everybody sat down, but Rachel could see that they all looked really excited and couldn't wait to get up again.

_"- First, I want you all to remember that Quinn spent seven weeks in a coma and she is still weak..."_

She didn't hear the rest of what the Glee Club coach said. Quinn was awake. Her whole body was shaking, it seemed like she couldn't breathe anymore... Was she having a panic attack? Probably. But nobody was paying attention to her and she knew that she had to stay in the choir room until everybody left or they would all end up hating her more than they already did. But how was she going to deal with herself when she would see Quinn standing up in front of her in the hallways? Because she was not ready to go to the hospital, she didn't know if she was ever going to be ready to face her...  
><em><br>"- Alright, let's go. Please be careful on the road, I'll meet you at the hospital."_

They all ran out of the classroom while Rachel stayed behind, alone. She was trying to catch her breath when she heard someone calling her name. Blaine was standing next to the piano. Why did he have to be there every time Rachel wanted to be alone?  
><em><br>"- Do you need a ride or something?"_

She didn't move, the tears were out and the only thing she could think about was Quinn. She heard Blaine take a seat next to her but didn't look at him.  
><em><br>"- What's wrong Rachel?"_

He took her hand but the brunette refused to look into his eyes.  
>She cried for a good five minutes with Blaine always holding her hand without a word. Once she finally managed to calm down, she looked at him. She opened her mouth to say something but the words wouldn't come out. It was like her vocals chords were out of order now. She was trapped inside of her own mind without being able to communicate with the outside world and the longer she had waited to finally say something, the harder it was to actually get the words out of her mouth.<br>Blaine didn't look like he was judging her and Rachel appreciated that. Even if she wanted to be alone, having him here was making her feel a bit better. And she knew that she had to be strong if she ever wanted to be able to face Quinn again.

Blaine's phone rang and he picked it up, without letting go of Rachel's hand.

_"- Hello? I'm on my way Kurt."_

The words "on my way" made Rachel shiver. She couldn't stand hearing them or seeing them written somewhere. After Blaine hung up, he hugged the brunette and wiped her tears before he said:

_ "- I have to go to the hospital. I understand that you don't want to see her when all the Glee kids are there but I think that you should think about visiting her on your own. I'm pretty sure Quinn would be really happy to see you."_

And then he left.

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><p>The small and white hospital room was crowded, all eyes were on her. Quinn Fabray would have been feeling uncomfortable if she wasn't too busy looking for a tiny brunette with a shining smile to show up. Everybody else was there, they were even singing her a song but Quinn was not listening, she wanted to see Rachel.<br>She barely remembered the accident, apparently she had been in a car crash and in a coma for seven weeks, but really it felt like she was just waking up from a good night of sleep. And it would have been nice to have all her friends sing her a cute song every morning but right now was not exactly the right time to do it. Especially since nobody would tell her what happened to Rachel.  
>At the end of the song, all the Glee kids lined up to hug Quinn who awkwardly smiled to every single one of them. They all told her how they missed her and how scared they were that she would not make it but it didn't really make any sense to the blonde who was still feeling really numb and sleepy.<p>

Blaine was the last one to hug her. Just when he was about to end the hug and Quinn was getting ready to thank him for whatever compliment he had to say, he whispered in her ear:

_"- I'm sorry if Rachel isn't...  
>- Is she okay?" <em>Quinn cut him off.  
><em>"- Not really. Can I come back later to talk to you in private?<em>

_- Yes please."  
><em>

What did that "not really" mean? The former cheerleader was asking herself so many questions she was wondering why her head hadn't exploded yet. The last thing she remembered was going home to pick up her bridesmaid dress to go to Rachel's wedding and hopefully talk to the brunette to make her cancel it. She couldn't stand looking at the brunette slowly destroying her life with a man that wasn't right for her. Just thinking about it was making her want to punch someone, herself. Because she was so jealous.  
>She wasn't jealous of Rachel, she was jealous of Finn. She hated how he was holding her hand in the hallways, how he was eating her face out between classes, how he was singing to her in Glee Club, she wanted to be the one doing all those things to her. Because she knew it now, she was in love with Rachel Berry.<br>She had been in love with her for a while now but she only realized what that feeling was when she found out that Finn had proposed to her. When the brunette had told her about it in McKinley's bathroom, Quinn's heart had stopped beating and she remembered looking at the brunette thinking "Please don't marry him, I love you.". It wasn't about her being gay or bi or anything else. It was just about her falling in love with the most amazing person she had ever met in her entire life.  
>And now that Blaine was telling her that Rachel was not okay, Quinn just wanted to get up, leave the hospital and run to find the girl she loved and make her feel better. But she couldn't.<br>Blaine smiled and followed the rest of the Glee Club out of Quinn's room. Santana was the only one still in the room. She was sitting next to her friend, looking at her with a small smile on her face.

_ "- I missed you Quinn. I know everybody told you that but... I really did.  
>- I...<br>- This is awkward."_ said Santana, looking away.  
><em>"- No, I guess that I'm just not used to you telling me you missed me.<em>

_- A lot of things happened you know. I think we've all changed a lot since the accident."_

Quinn couldn't help but feel bad for making all these people suffer. She had no idea they actually cared that much about her and it felt really good but... The one person she wanted there more than anything wasn't, and she wished she knew why.

_"- I'm sorry..."_ said Quinn.  
><em>"- Why would you be sorry? It's not your fault.<em>

_- I kind of feel like it is. I wake up and all I see is people crying and telling me how hard these past weeks have been. _

_- You got hit by a truck Quinn.  
>- I know but...<em>

_- Stop blaming yourself. Thank God you're still alive, that's all we need to focus on right now. Okay?"_

Quinn nodded. Santana got up and kissed her forehead.

_"- I'm so happy you're back. Do you want me to come see you tomorrow?_

_- Sure._

_- Take care Quinn."_

She smiled and got out of the room leaving Quinn alone in her white bed surrounded by white walls. Where the hell was Rachel?


	5. Chapter 5

Quinn was eating her disgusting hospital dinner alone in her white room when she heard knocks on her door.

_"- Come in!"_ she said, taking another bite of the steak on her plate which didn't really look like a steak at all.  
><em>"- Hey Quinn. I brought you a sandwich from Breadsticks. I know how bad the food here tastes." <em>

Blaine entered the room, a sandwich in hand. Quinn took it and smiled when she took of bite of it.  
><em><br>"- Oh my god this tastes so good. Extra bacon?"_

Blaine nodded and sat down. He watched Quinn eat with a tiny smile and put his hands on her shoulder while asking:

_ "- So how do you feel?"_

The cheerleader took time to swallow all the bacon that was in her mouth before she answered:

_"- Honestly? I just want to see Rachel. I'm dying here.  
>- I tried to bring her here but she didn't want to.<br>- Why..."_

Quinn's heart started to hurt just like when Rachel would tell her how much she loved Finn. Blaine put his hand on the blonde's shoulder and told her with a very comforting voice:

_ "- I don't know. She won't talk to anyone._

_- What about Finn?_

_- They broke up. When we found out that you were in a coma the wedding got postponed. Rachel stopped talking to any of us and Finn eventually got mad and broke up with her in the middle of the hallways._

_- How is she dealing with it..."_

Quinn should have been happy that Rachel was not married but instead she was worrying about how heart broken she must have been when Finn broke up with her. The only thing she wanted deep inside was for Rachel to be happy. Her smile was so beautiful, not seeing it again would be extremely painful the blonde thought.

_"- I don't know. She won't talk. _

_- What do you mean?  
>- I can't really explain how this happened but she... She lost her voice. She won't talk, she won't sing. All she does is go to class, sit in Glee Club and look around without ever saying a word.<em>

_- Why..."_

Out of everything that could have happened to Rachel this was probably the worst. Who was she without her voice? What was going to happen to that future she wanted more than anything? Quinn started crying, trying to avoid making eye contact with Blaine.  
><em><br>"- I have no idea Quinn._

_- I need to leave this hospital now."_

Without letting Blaine say another word, Quinn got up and ripped off everything that was still connecting her to any kind of medical engine.

_"- Quinn, wait! You can't just leave like that...  
>- Yes I can!"<em>

She tried to walk towards the door but fell after a couple steps. Blaine ran towards her to help her out while a bunch of nurses were entering the room with panic expressions on their faces. They carried Quinn to her bed but the blonde was crying and screaming.

_ "- Let me leave! I don't wanna stay here any longer!_

_- You can't leave Miss Fabray, you could relapse at any time we need to keep you here so we can make sure everything is going to be alright."_ said one of the nurses. _"- Sir, you need to leave now."_ she added to Blaine who nodded.  
><em>"- I'll call you tomorrow Quinn okay? Please be careful."<em>

Quinn was so angry she wanted to punch every one of the nurses pining her down to her bed. She couldn't just stay here while Rachel was hurting without nobody to be there for her. She needed to save her, but she couldn't and it was pissing her off so bad. She watched Blaine leave while crying.

_"- Tell her I want to see her!"_she yelled before Blaine left.

He turned around and nodded, adding one last sad smile to his facial expression before he closed the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Rachel was lying down on her bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about Quinn. She had no idea what to do or even what to think, the only thing in her mind was the blonde's broken smile she saw the last time she was standing in front of her. She remembered how they hugged before Quinn left to pick up that bridesmaid dress and never came back. Was she ever going to come back? Sure she was alive but that didn't mean that things were going to go back to how they used to be. Nothing was ever going to be the same and Rachel knew it.<br>A knock on her door made her thoughts leave her mind while she got up to open the door. Both her dads were standing behind it, waiting for their baby girl to allow them inside of her room.

_"- We need to talk to you."_said Hiram.

Rachel nodded and let them enter her room and sit down on her bed. She sat down between them and waited for one of her dads to talk. Leroy started.

_"- I wanted you to know that Quinn woke up and we think that you should go visit her."_

Rachel was looking down. She was really stubborn and knew that going to the hospital to see Quinn wasn't part of her plans at all. There was no way she could face the blonde and show her how miserable she was now.

_"- Baby girl you need to talk to us."_ said Hiram, letting his hand play with his daughter's hair.  
><em>"- We just want you to be happy. But we can't help you if you don't tell us how you feel."<em>

Rachel didn't move. She knew she would have to face her fears one day but she wasn't ready yet. She was way so scared of her own feelings that she had decided to cut them out completely by keeping her mouth closed at all times. She had no idea why, but that was her way of dealing with the situation. And the pain in her dads faces was making feel even worse.  
>She looked down to show her parents that she was not going to say anything and they both got up and slowly walked out of her room.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks passed. Two long weeks during which Quinn had to stay at the hospital reeducating her body before she could go back to school. She was going insane. Santana was coming to visit every single day but she couldn't let herself connect with her former best friend because of how much she was worried about Rachel. Santana would never talk about her, and Quinn wasn't really ready to share her feelings just yet. Blaine didn't know either, even though the blonde was being kind of obvious by calling him every day to ask if Rachel seemed to feel a little better. But she didn't care, Blaine was a great guy and she didn't know him that well but she trusted him. And she needed someone she could trust. Because it was time for her to go back to school.

She entered the McKinley hallways with Santana who was now being the over protective friend. It was cute but Quinn didn't want to get any attention, especially if she wanted to go talk to Rachel. But when Kurt, Brittany and Blaine came up to her to hug her and do their little gay happy dances, she knew that it was game over. She acted happy and pretended to like all the affection she was getting when it was really making her more uncomfortable than anything, and waited until lunch time to look for the brunette.

At the end of her last class before lunch, she stayed in the classroom talking to the teacher. It was easy since everybody wanted to hear the car crash story from the victim herself. When she knew that the hallways were empty, she ended the conversation and ran towards the choir room. Nobody could see her, nobody could come in her way. She slowed down when she arrived to the door and looked through the window.  
>Rachel was sitting in a corner, eating lunch, alone. Quinn took a deep breath and entered the room. The brunette instantly looked at her without an expression on her face. But what made Quinn stop was her eyes. They were empty, like if she was not there anymore. Without a word she knelt down in front of her and took her meal out of her hands to put it next to her. Rachel looked down and the blonde could feel that a break down was about to happen so she whispered:<p>

_ "- Can I hug you now?"_

Rachel nodded and Quinn wrapped her arms around the shaking brunette who let her tears run down the blonde's neck.

_ "- What's going on Rachel... I'm so worried."_

* * *

><p>Now that the first tears were out and proud, Rachel couldn't stop crying while burying her face into Quinn's neck. She had missed those arms and finally felt safe. But somehow she was feeling terrified. She couldn't move, she couldn't think, she just couldn't function anymore. When she felt Quinn's hands playing with her hair she lost it even more and the first sound that came out of her mouth since the accident were the sounds of Rachel sobbing and crying like a baby.<br>By the time lunch period was over, the brunette had managed to calm down a little bit and finally looked into the pretty girl's eyes. What was supposed to happen now? She couldn't go to class! Every body would start asking questions and it was now a known fact that Rachel didn't talk... Before she could even think of a solution to her problem, Quinn ended the hug, took her hand and said:

_ "- Let's get out of here."_

She got up and Rachel followed her into the now empty hallways, then out of the building and they walked towards the bleachers, where the skanks used to hang out. The brunette was walking behind Quinn without asking herself any questions. When they arrived at their destination, the blonde girl let go off Rachel's hand and turned around to face her.

_"- This is the only place where I actually feel safe. As weird as that might sound, every time I came here with a troubled mind the Skanks would listen to me go on and on about what was on my mind and never judged me once."_

Rachel was looking at her, trying to understand where Quinn was going with that conversation but she just listened without any reaction.

_"- I will never judge you Rachel.  
>- Then why did you torture me all these years..."<em>whispered Rachel.

These were the first words she had said in seven weeks and the brunette didn't even act surprised of how naturally they came out. She didn't even realize she had said those words out loud until Quinn answered:

_ "- Because I was scared."_

Rachel heard Quinn's voice break as she took a step closer.

_ "- I hated the fact that I was not..."_

* * *

><p>What was she doing? Now was not the right time to tell Rachel how she felt. She couldn't tell her, she needed to make her feel better not bring her something else to worry about. Now that the wedding was canceled there was no reason to tell the brunette the truth. It's not like she was ever going to feel the same way anyways and Quinn didn't want to face rejection. She was going to be there for Rachel for as long as she needed her and let her be happy without ever letting her know how deeply she loved her. Her role was to send the brunette towards the future she deserved, that was it.<p>

_"- I admire you._

_- You... Admire me?_

_- Yes. I admire you. I admire how strong you are and how none of my insults ever came in your way. You are so determined to become a star that I never doubted one second that it wouldn't happen and still I was trying to make you give up on yourself to feel a bit better about my life."_

Rachel didn't have an expression on her face, and her eyes were as empty as they were in the choir room. She was really good at letting no feelings through, because even though she had been crying in Quinn's arms earlier, the blonde still had no idea how exactly the brunette felt. But she had to bring those walls down and so she kept talking.

_"- I can't stand seeing you like that. Just like I couldn't stand seeing you and Finn engaged.  
><em>_- Why did you want to come to the wedding then?"_

Quinn took a deep breath and let one of her hand run through her hair while she was trying to find an answer that would not reveal her feelings right away.

_ "- You told me Finn was making you happy. Even if it was hard to believe I just wanted you to be happy...  
>- It's all my fault.<br>- What are you talking about?  
>- What you went through... You know, on your...<br>- On my way to the wedding? How was that your fault?"_

Quinn couldn't help but notice how Rachel started shaking. She took one more step closer to the brunette and slowly put a hand on her cheek.

_ "- It was never your fault. Do you hear me Rachel? Nothing was ever your fault and I'm not going to let you keep thinking that."_

The brunette slowly nodded and looked down.

_"- Do you have anything else you want to tell me?"_said Quinn.

She moved her hand from Rachel's cheek to the back of her neck before she realized that she had to stop before she even thought about doing something stupid like kissing her. She bit her lip and put her hand in her pocket, it was a safer choice.  
>Rachel was still looking down, and took a moment before she finally let herself look into Quinn's hazel eyes. Then she just said:<p>

_ "- I missed you."_


End file.
